Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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