We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
