Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
