dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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