if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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