phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
