Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize