Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
