bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
