Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
