Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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