i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
