Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
