and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
