I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
