Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
