On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize