yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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