Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
