i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
