All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize