What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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