Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
