yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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