Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
