WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
