Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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