is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
