it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
