Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish my penis had a tongue
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
