I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
