About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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