Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
