I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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