I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
