we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
