are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize