I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
