I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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