I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
