so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
