Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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