DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
