i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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