don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
