I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
