we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
