I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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