Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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