if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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