my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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