gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
