I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize