he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
