Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
