I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
