my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
