hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
