im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
