Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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