I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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