he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
