I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
