My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
