I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
