I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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