Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
