my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
please come you make the beer taste better
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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