They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
