don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
