I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
