: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
