Kiss
Puke
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
