I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
